I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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