I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
