omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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