We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
