i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love having hate sex.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
