Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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