How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
