If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
