He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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