so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
