I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
