I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
