when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
