DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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