I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
