Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
