At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
