If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
