angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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