yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
