Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was confusing and full of hummus
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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