people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
