I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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