just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
