I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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