i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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