i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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