my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
