I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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