I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
