I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
