I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
