So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
