Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
