that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
