He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
