If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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