Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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