From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
