Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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