my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
