I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
