If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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