My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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