Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
