it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
