He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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