What did we do last night that was yellow?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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