Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm bleeding and have questions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
