I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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