After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
