did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
